What really gets me is how happy I thought he was. I mean... I didn't fully believe it but I really wanted to. Everyone was saying how much happier he seemed. A parent said he was glowing. I thought I made him happy. But I was never fully convinced that I was doing that. Even though he told me that I made him happy. Aside from my own insecurities, I think I didn't believe it because I'd never seen the smile that I wanted to see. I think after his grandmother and aunt died he lost the ability to really smile with his eyes. That tore away a big part of him. But I really wanted to see his eyes light up like that. I didn't care if I was the reason I just felt like if I could see his eyes do that then I'd know for sure that he's okay. That he really is happy. But I never did see it. And it breaks my heart because I don't think I ever will.
He's exhibiting more symptoms of depression now. And I'm losing hope. But I don't want to give up on him. I really believe he deserves happiness. That's all I want for him.
No one knows how much I love him.
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