Loneliness. Feeling like you’re all alone in this world and you have no one as a friend or companion. Then you find someone who you feel within your heart of hearts can make it so you never feel lonely again but you still feel lonely anyway. Then you realize you never had that person and you really are all alone. And that’s never going to change because you’ve decided you’d rather the loneliness than the betrayal. And it feels like that’s all you’ll ever get from anyone. You sit and wait for the people closest to you to find some way to leave your life. Because that’s all you know. And you’re sure it’s all you’ll ever know. And it hurts. Because you were so scared to try. So scared to open yourself up to someone the way you did. You left yourself bare. Even though you know that you’ll always get a bad hand. Even though your life has taught you that you’re meant to be alone. You try anyway. Because you hope that just maybe things will go differently. And for a while it seems like they will. But then everything snaps into place and you are reminded of who you are and what your life has taught you. And you think you’re done with all the feelings so you tell yourself you’re done but there’s still that flicker of hope. That candle that just won’t go out. You want to extinguish it though. So you keep telling yourself that it’s over and you’ll never try again. And you hope that you can live your life like this. Free of hurt and pain. Free of those emotional ties. Because even though you’d be lonely, you wouldn’t be hurt. And maybe that’s not living but you’ve almost lost the will to care about that. You figure it best because even though you have people in your life who swear they care, you don’t want to say any of this to them. Because if they really do care they’ll worry. And you think about worse; they don’t care and you’re just a burden. An attention seeker. That’s all you are to some of them. You’re sure of it. And you could keep going about all of this but you feel like you should stop because you’re afraid of what might happen and because you hate how admitting this makes you feel. I am you.