I'm a tad concerned about the way I think. Every time I come here it's to talk about him. Why is that? I have other problems. But I never feel like writing about them. Why do I only write when my mood reflects negativity? I used to write about stuff when I felt glad. I don't do that anymore.
Jaded?
It had been years since I wrote about anything.
I just checked. It had been 3 years since I wrote about anything in a positive light. Then there was him. And I wrote about some firsts. I don't remember the first time we hugged though.
First time he held my hand, first kiss on the cheek, first kiss on the forehead, first real kiss.
I don't remember the day he said 'I choose her.'
I don't remember the day he told me about her either.
I remember him asking me if I wanted him to leave.
That was horrible. Ever have that feeling?
Wanting someone to leave but knowing that if they do leave, that will be it?
It was awful.
I just want the pain to go away.
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