Last night we went to a restaurant for my friend;s birthday
He was there and I saw him I got uncomfortable instantly
And throughout the meal I wanted to go home
I really just wanted to leave so that I wouldn't have to see him

Apparently every time he tried to touch me I almost freaked out
And apparently that means I have lots of rage

Well I figured that much already
I know I'm upset

The night was fun but I wan't fully there
I couldn't bring myself to smile for any of the pictures that were taken
It literally felt like a huge chore to smile
I was trying to prep myself but it didn't work

I wanted to get up but I didn't want to make a scene

Ugh
And I still get so jealous when I see him interact with
His best friend
Like there seems to be something more than just friendship there
I hate it
I don't hate her at all tho
I really like her
But I wish she'd show him the same amount of affection

Bleh

I don't want to keep allowing myself to get so worked up over this
It needs to end